As camp as a row of tents.

As our shipping has now arrived we have a television set again (when was the last time anyone used 'set' after 'television'?  Probably during the coronation in 1952) having gone for six weeks without it.  As we had been pretty busy, we hadn't missed TV at all, so we didn't bother connecting it up and decided to talk or just read in the evenings...  That's a lie, we immediately bought a programme package from OSN, one of the two suppliers over here.  The next day a team of three engineers arrived and connected up.  It took them three hours and they had to put a new dish on the roof, trace the aeriel cable down 5 floors and similarly connect it to the internet by pulling the wire through the wall cavity.  Amazing service.  This means that like in the UK, we now have about 900 channels, however 850 of these are in languages we don't understand, although they do sometimes offer English subtitles, which sometimes work.

To compete with Eastenders, Coronation Street and Emmerdale, there is a wide choice of Arabic and Indian soaps.  Some are based in a contemporary setting and they really put the drama in dramatic.  You could never complain that there wasn't enough acting going on, they are all giving it everything they've got with an overload in the 'smoldering look' department surpassed only by an excess of 'looking really sad', all to a background of continuous and moving music.  Very little dialogue, which is just as well because you couldn't give it everything in the' staring wistfully in to the distance' shot if you had to concentrate on talking too.  One thing I can't quite understand is that most of the locals here wear traditional dress but in all the soaps the actors dress like they're in London or Paris?!  Imagine watching Eastenders and seeing everyone dressed like a Jean Paul Gaultier model?  As for the period programmes, things you'll never hear on set would include: 'do you think we've overdone the make-up' or 'these costumes are too lavish'.

My favorite is an Arabic series based in the 18th century and centered around a Sultan and his harem, I say favorite but I only watched it once for about five minutes.  Three things sum up this programme:  false beards, big hats, dried grapes.  For the Sultan's women are called Sultanas and every time a minion (not the Despicable Me type)  says 'the Sultana is here to see you sire' I expect to see a velvet cushion with a raisin sitting on top.  If they had made a Carry on up the Middle East this is what it would have looked like, although Kenneth Williams may have struggled a bit as machismo oozes from all the male players.  One character has a stick on Freddie Mercury mustache, how he can resist saying 'it's a kind of magic' or 'I want to break free' whenever he has the chance defeats me, it would be too tempting.

We took a road trip to see the other side of the peninsular in our mighty Toyota Yaris Hertz rental special, yes I am still prevaricating about which car to buy.  Once again the contradiction in the road system out here raised it's head.  The motorway across the mountains was smooth and very well constructed, but at either end the roads were, as usual, unpredictable.  Sometimes they are so rough you think the car is going to disintegrate and you'll end up like the Flintstones, which is why Amélie has taken to wearing a bone in her hair and you can hear me call 'Domiiiiiiii', when I get home.   Japanese cars, especially Toyota and Nissan do very well here for that reason.  A lot of brands just get shaken to bits after a few years but what the Japanese have learned is that if you take an indestructible chassis, like the Toyota that Top Gear famously couldn't destroy, then build a family car around it you have something that will take on the roads and stand a chance of winning.  As a bonus, you get to keep your teeth and not have them shaken out.

There is a group of people who love to go camping here and claim to enjoy it..  Now when I think of camping it's a scene from the New Forest, with a shower block, electrical hook up, and a pub round the corner to save on the cooking on one gas burner routine.  We passed some campsites today, 'this ain't Kansas Toto' is what I thought...  I wasn't sure if it was a campsite or the set for a movie based on an Andy McNab book.  Devotees say 'ooh but it's getting back to basics, living in at one with nature', but forgive me for being modern, as soon as ancient man started walking on two limbs he started building houses so he didn't have to sleep on dirt.  I'm happy for you if that is your idea of communing with the Earth, but I'll stick to the Hilton Beach Club thanks, although that is getting really busy as it is full of tourists at the moment.  A hotel in a hot country being full of guests, whatever next..

So these are pictures of camp sites, the fenced off area is a private pitch and trust me, when the locals camp they fill an area that big.  Tents, 4x4s, cookers, fridges generators, it's a similar logistical exercise to Glastonbury but without the toilets... (I don't know the answer to the question that's in your mind, let's hope they take it home with them....).

It's the same when they have picnics.  China crockery, cooking ranges, cushions to sit on, the kitchen sink. OK, I made the last one up but you get the idea.  I guess you can take the Bedouin out of the desert but you can't stop him taking a fridge full of desserts on a day out.

You'll gather that the photos were taken from a moving car, this is because it is still on the warm side here. When we moved out to the UAE we promised not to talk about the weather to people at home.  We know how tedious it is when expats drone on about how cold it is when they come back to Europe or about how they are feeling the chill because it's gone down to 35 degrees here (but it does feel chilly, honest..).  We have our own scale, the Amélie thermometer.  It's based on how many minutes we can be out of the car before she reaches boiling point and starts to whistle like a kettle.  Today it was about five minutes, faster than most kettles I reckon, so it was stay in the car time.  She's a bit like uranium, if she's out of water she becomes unstable and  can do more harm than a Japanese nuclear power station in meltdown.

Next week, the UAE and the environment, 'crisis, what crisis'?